Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Blue Flypaper Humor with a Message!

I have a little joke for you today that I received from a liberal friend:

How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a middle eastern looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me, and not my family? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint-and-weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!...click...(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!...click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips I gave you for your birthday??"

(note: even though it say's "southern" Republican I think we can include a certain Black Listed individual from Vermont.0

*************************************************

We can see it's best to be a Democrat! It's the only one where someone isn't killed without the benefit of a fair trial of peers.

Believe in the Black List, Shop at T-Shirt Hell!

technorati:

41 Comments:

At 1:21 PM, Blogger fatman said...

Trust me, honey, Southern Republicans aren't the only ones who would have given you that response. Though I never cared for the Glock myself. I'd go with the Colt Annaconda .44 Magnum.

 
At 2:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee hee hee hee hee hee.

Cute joke.

And fatman's right. I'm neither Southern, nor Republican, and I'd give the "Bang!" response too.
--Next to Last Samurai

 
At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Dave Waddel said...

You left out:

CALIFORNIA REPUBLICAN

(sound of Daddy dropping a duece in his pants and the attacker running off disgusted)

Daughter: "Why didn't you shot him, Daddy?"

Daddy: "If I don't have the brains to beat Barbara Boxer, then I'm way to dumb to be handling firearms."

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Brad said...

The fact that Last Samurai would just shoot an innocent person without a sitdown discussion shows that he/she/it should be Blacklisted!

 
At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are mistaken. A democrat would think...

"Why on earth did I become a democrat? I didn't care enough about my family to properly protect them. Now I can put my head between my knees and kiss my ass goodbye. Damn, I know I'm going to hell. I should have listened to those Christians!"

 
At 9:33 PM, Anonymous WildCard said...

no the democrat wouldn't have time to think cause they would already be dead.

 
At 3:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen to Brad. He speaks words of wisdom. I should be BLACKLISTED for shooting the bad guy and not caring about his lousy childhood. I should be blacklisted even though I'm on Live Journal. What are we Live Journalers, 2nd-class citizens? This is rank discrimination!
--Next to Last Samurai

http://www.livejournal.com/users/alashiya

 
At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Pluto's Dad said...

I sent this to a friend from Texas, and he wrote back the following (which I, as an evil minority hating Republikkkan, found hilarious)


Actually, the Glock .40 cal. magazine holds 15 shots (only one less than 9mm), so the real answer is:

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”
(Sound of reloading)
“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”

In addition, since your average Islamic terrorist/home invader/burglar tends to be unarmored, I suggest Winchester Black Talon ammo. It offers just as much projectile expansion (.70” vs. .71”) as the Silver Tip and about 10% more penetration against an unarmored target (14.4” vs. 13.1”), which gives you a better chance of getting to the vital organs of the target and virtually no chance of the bullet leaving the body of the target with enough force to wound somebody else.

 
At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Pluto's Dad said...

Oh yeah I also thought if the liberal is an expert shot they can shoot the knife out of the poor misunderstood person's hand. (I almost wrote "criminal's" whoops!)

 
At 6:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a truly uplifting joke, TB. It's a pity it didn't mention oppressed womyn as well.

Isn't it terrible how the the Republicans would thoughtlessly kill a child who was a victim of a broken home, along with poverty and government indifference.

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger True Blue said...

I'm not sure all of you understand the "message" here, which is when you shoot first, all you are doing is insuring that their will be one murder (the person you shot). You are right that the person is not a "criminal" as this label is only applied by a jury of peers (not you). It's also a hateful word and should be banished as becomes a label that can get stuck to them for life. Do you call one of the poor victims of New Orleans who happened to find stuff that they needed (or perhaps couldn't normally afford a "looter")? Of course not. So we shouldn't automatically call people criminals just because they break into people's homes or car jack. Not without knowing more of the back story and circumstances.

This is such a hot topic that I think I'll do a special posting on it right now! So check for that before commenting here if you're post is about crime in general as oppossed to the spefic story related in my post.

 
At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm no southern Republican. I'm an North Central Idaho libertarian. My response however would be similar. The gun I usually (including right now) holds 18+1 with the spare magazine holding another 18 180 grain Speer Golddots in .40 S&W.

If properly placed I believe those 37 rounds could almost completely cut someone in half. At a range of under 20 feet I could draw from concealment, fire until empty, reload, and fire until empty again in under 17 seconds with all rounds on target (unless some of the later rounds passed through the gaping void left by earlier shots).

Joe

 
At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If we accomplish nothing else, we will educate Blue Flypaper about guns and ammo. Flypaper, are you taking notes?

--Next to Last Samurai

(.380, loaded with hollow points; can't remember the grain offhand and too lazy to go look!)

 
At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. It just occurred to me Flypaper might not know what hollow points are. They expand upon impact, is the thing; they make pinpricks going in and great big holes on the way out, thus rendering a relatively small-caliber weapon more effective.

It is too bad we are so far apart (I am in the Midwest); I'd take you to the range and by the time you left you wouldn't fear guns any more and we'd have one more pistol-packin' mama keeping herself and her kids safe.

--Next to Last Samurai

 
At 6:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NTLS:

I'm shocked (in the Andy Sullivan kind of "shocked", but sans politically correct sexual orientation that he so often shares with the world) that you made so many assumptions in your posts here:

* TrueBlueBabe would NEVER, ever own a gun, much less get near one. Guns are EEEVILLL, and they tempt oppressed, victimized women ("womyn"?) to do things that they would feel bad about, like hurt someone for raping them, for example. Oppressed people never, ever have to live in fear of having consequences for their actions. Think of it as having been given an "indulgence", in the old Catholic meaning of the word, but without any religious connotations, because to have religious connotations may oppress someone who chooses not to have any. Religion, that is.

* You assume that TrueBlueBabe would have kids at some point. Wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. BlueBabe would NEVER let a man violate her with such a MALE thing as a tallywhacker (LOVE that term, btw) in her holy uterus, holy in a non-religious, goddess sort of way. She would never willingly allow her uterus to be oppressed by an organism that saps her strength and mental resources like that (those of us oppressive, heteronormative, so-called "normal" would call that organism a developing baby, or perhaps a fetus). No. Pregnancy has life-altering consequences, and Blue has always stood for not having to be responsible for anything.

-Wanderlust

BTW, not that I wish such things on anyone (I have a couple women close to me who have suffered being raped, and I saw what it did to them emotionally and physically), but I have to wonder: if Blue ever goes through something like a rape, I wonder how quickly she would change her mind on defending the rapist's actions as being caused by others?

Although the chances are statistically low, if her bio pic is ever recognized by someone at her university, and they read how easily she dismisses the idea of personal consequences for actions, she is very likely at an elevated risk of an event such as a mugging or rape.

(And yes, I am a parent to a girl, who, when she is old enough to go to college/university, I will have taught that sometimes, people ACT on the things you say - sometimes, with unintended consequences to you.)

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger fatman said...

Actually the Annaconda is my house gun. For discreet street carry, I much prefer the Colt Commander. Not as long or as heavy as the Government Model, and it balances better in my hand. As for loads, call me an old fogey, but I prefer the CCI Lawman 200 grain jacketed hollow point, aka "The Flying Ashtray." Rarely get a through-and-through wound. One eight round aftermarket magazine in the gun (Wilson mags are good, if you can afford them) and two more for reloads. If that doesn't handle the situation, then you need a 12 guage pump or a mil spec M-14 (assault rifle).

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger fatman said...

Sorry, wanderlust. You posted while I was still editing my comment. If I'd known where you were going to go, I wouldn't have been so flippant.

 
At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry, fatman, I can be as flippant as anyone else (e.g., the holy womb comments). Somewhere along the way, though, I sobered up when I realized just how exposed Blue is, and how quickly an event like that would change her little open mind - kinda like when Dr. Spock actually had his OWN kids to raise, when he was in his late 60's or so, and suddenly, spanking [gasp!] wasn't such a bad idea after all - but not before he f*cked up an entire generation whose parents failed to discipline them properly as kids.

Moral of the story: avoiding personal consequences only guarantees you will meet them in a much stronger way than you would have, otherwise.

And morality, kinda like religion, doesn't give a d*mn about what you believe, because if it exists, your belief in it - or lack of belief - doesn't change the fact.

So either she prays to her non-religious "Goddess", who, since she can't be religious (because any kind of "religion" would spoil the Goddess for BlueBabe), and therefore not spiritual or having any higher power beyond mere mortals of any kind, is merely a sop to spew her anxieties away on a philosophical, religious idol.

BTW I respect a thoughtful atheist because he/she has presumably taken the time to think about what they believe, and why. My respect for someone diminishes rapidly when they spew thoughts and ideas from other people, without having taken so much as a moment to sit back and actually THINK about what they are saying, much less trying to understand the possible ramifications of what saying those things may or may not bring down upon them (hence, my last post).

-Wanderlust

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

I don't even know how to comment on this thread as it's run amok. Seems like a new Fox show "Threads Gone Wild." That's what I get interjecting a little humor into the blog as opposed to my normal, focused, determined activism.

Gentlemen, back to the revolution we go.

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

By the way, "hollow points" sound terrible. Aren't they illegal? If not they certainly should be? Yikes, it's scary thinking that things like that exist in the world.

 
At 9:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girlfriend, you should know what a hollow point is. You have one sitting on your shoulders.

 
At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

(thinking...I know, a dangerous thing to do here)

BlueDear, a few direct questions:

* If you had a child, and someone tried to molest your child - or worse - how would you express your compassion towards the attacker?

* Now, if you were molested, or worse, how would you express your compassion on your attacker?

* Would you try to understand why they molested you?

* How would you try to prevent them from doing it? Would you characterize your method(s) of prevention as "violent", if using those methods caused the assailant physical harm?

* If someone tried to hurt you, would you even care?

* Or, since you are so convinced that women are already (and thus, by your so-called "logic", permanent) victims, would you just "shut up and take it", no matter what manner of pain and harm befell you?

-Wanderlust

 
At 12:40 AM, Blogger True Blue said...

Wanderlust:

There are no winners in these situations. You've described "Sophie's Choice."

The best thing we can do is eliminate crime and help people so that they don't become molesters and "criminals."

I have a post coming up on how we can do this.

I know of no better way.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger Cowboy Blob said...

Actually, the Glock .40 cal. magazine holds 15 shots (only one less than 9mm), so the real answer is:

[15 Bangs]

That's just like a Texas Republican to haul around the biggest Glock .40 on his hip and be ignorant of the two smaller, lower capacity ones...cause everythang's bigger in Texas!

And real Texans carry .45s!

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger True Blue said...

I think all of this militant gun talk is scaring my regular readers. I understand the need for hobbies, don't you guys ever play hackey sack? It's pretty addictive and with practice one can get pretty good.

 
At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you play hacky sack?

They're just being men. Men love to talk about hardware. One of the intrinsic differences between the sexes. Ask "How many guns do you have?" A woman will say "Five" or whatever. A man will say "Well, I have a Colt Anaconda loaded with my own special reloads, and a Sig Sauer 9 mm loaded with Black Talon, and a 12-gauge custom-made over-under loaded with blah blah blah blah blah." Then another man will chime in about how much better these devices would work if the owner just tried blah blah blah blah, and so on and so on. They can go on for hours (pages, on the Internet) like this.

--Next to Last Samurai

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

----

Nothing says, "Please don't rape me." like multiple jacketed hollowpoints.


John Fogh
Insights Self Defense Instructor
February 23, 1999
Microsoft Gun Club Email Folder
----

Joe

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

Check out Hacky Sak in Wikipedia. It's got a full rundown. A lot of people were playing it at the Burning Man Festival if you were at the last one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Footbag

 
At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thisk that this is one big troll site. Blue Flypaper must be some guy posing as a liberal "womyn" just to see what he can stir up. This can't be a serious site.

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

Whenever conservatives don't want to deal with facts (like 70 million people in poverty in the US) or homelessness going up 100% since Bush went into office, etc.) then they attack the person. You guys need a new tact.

 
At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the quote, Joe, I love it!

--Next to Last Samurai

 
At 9:01 PM, Anonymous WildCard said...

1911. Never Failed anyone in the muddy trenches of France and it won't fail you in the streets of New York, or LA or KC or NO or ...

Throw that plastic pistol into the garbage can.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Budly said...

Guns don't cause crime, for evidence I point you to the Superdome. As you may recall, no guns were allowed inside, yet crime was rampant.

And I've read on more than one occasion that guns prevent something on the order of 2 million crimes per year.

Anyway, it's a funny joke

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

Guns might not cause crime but they sure help. Look at bank robbers. Do they hand a note that says "Give me all of your money or I'll be mad at you"? Of course not, it always says "I've got a gun".

Now some of you smarty-pants will say if they don't have guns they'll just write "I have a bomb." Well, that doesn't happen much because, unlike guns, those are illegal!

Glad you liked the joke but not sure you got the message..guns = bad.

 
At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anonymous,

Yup, it's a parody (and a splendidly Swiftian one, too, I might add). I thought it was my penpal http://www.hellinahandbasket.net , because he can be very funny, but he's an honest guy and he swears it's not him.
Let's see, who here looks guilty?

--Next to Last Samurai

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger True Blue said...

Well, I researched you and I believe that you are a satire yourself. I think you are one of my (many) liberal friends and are just trying to get a rise out of me.

Anyone who knows me knows my convictions are both true and blue--hence my name.

Now go back to pretending the war in Iraq is going well, that FEMA did a good job in New Orleans, or that there aren't 20 million homeless people in the United States.

 
At 11:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

True blue... You're pathetic. Leave the guy alone and go back to thinking that everything's a conspiracy and that Clinton wasn't a loser.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger True Blue said...

Clinton's biggest problem was that he tried to make peace with conservatives and ended up doing misguided things like Welfare "Reform" (what a farce). In the end, neocons couldn't beat him in the ballot box so they went after him on trumped up charges. So sad.

Even with those distractions however he did a lot of good. Can you say "surplus"?

 
At 6:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Can you say "surplus"?

If you will check with the Government Accounting Office you will find that even though Clinton passed a budget with a surplus, he also spent it, and then some!!!

There has not been a reduction in the public debt since Eisenhower.

 
At 2:52 AM, Anonymous Chris said...

Actualy if I am an expert shot I would aim for the knees first even if they were to stand trial and get out they would never walk right again. That is what I call true justice. BTW If I were to catch a pedophile in the act he would get the same treatment.

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger True Blue said...

If you will check with the Government Accounting Office you will find that even though Clinton passed a budget with a surplus, he also spent it, and then some!!!

He spent it on entitlement programs which is just giving the money to people who need it. That isn't like real spending and shouldn't count. If you take those payments out, Clinton had record surpluses.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home